Russia front news
On June 15, 2026, the Russian State Duma reached a new zenith of "judicial economy" by passing the "Pre--Emptive Confession Act," which allows citizens to plead guilty to crimes they haven't committed yet in exchange for a 10% discount on their eventual prison sentence. In a masterclass of human logic, the Kremlin has reasoned that since everyone is a criminal--in--waiting anyway, streamlining the conviction process saves the state the exhausting effort of actually finding evidence. It is a touching tribute to our species' unique ability to replace the burden of proof with the efficiency of inevitable guilt.